By Kikue Higuchi

Besides the bread bakers and Netflix watchers, some people are using quarantine to get in shape. There are also people who have to stay in shape all the time: collegiate athletes. I thought this was a perfect time to fulfill my dad’s lifelong dream of me becoming a Division I athlete by trying out a Northwestern lacrosse player’s quarantine workout.

Considering the prowess of the nationally-ranked team, I knew it would be a tall order. The expectations of me actually finishing were very low, and the fact that I even attempted it is a success in my book. Kelly Amonte Hiller might have to consider giving me a starting position next year. After all, I almost finished.

Junior attacker Lauren Gilbert was kind enough to send me one of her quarantine workouts, so I could document my failed attempt and make every college athlete ever look way cooler or just make me look stupid. Gilbert scored 25 goals and 34 points on the season, second only to Izzy Scane, while catching 19 draw controls. She is a leader in Northwestern’s offense alongside Scane and Lindsey McKone.

The workout is called Tabata Tuesday. Tabata training is a high-intensity interval training work out so there’s no set amount of reps but you are expected to go all out during the intervals. Here it is:

Tabata Tuesday:
30 seconds on, 15 seconds off, x8 rounds, x3-4 sets
Star Jumps
Mountain Climbers
Bodyweight Squats
Right Leg Wall Sit
Left Leg Wall Sit
30 seconds on, 15 seconds off for 8 rounds and 3-4 sets:
Star Jumps, burpees, mountain climbers, push-ups, dips, bodyweight squats, right leg wall sit, left leg wall sit.

Contrary to the Tuesday in Tabata Tuesdays, I laced up my Under Armour shoes on Saturday and headed to my backyard to grind.

All in all, each set takes six minutes — six minutes of intense activity and acute muscular agony. I played two sports in high school and I’m on the water polo club team here at Northwestern, so I unreasonably assumed I was athletic. I am not athletic, I am a joke.

My physical state after the first set did not bode well for the remaining sets. Starting off with star jumps was just the worst, there’s no other way to say it. Star jumps are like squat jumps in that they annihilate your quads but they are very different in execution. You start by squatting into a little ball, then jump up, spreading your arms and legs like a star, finally landing back into a little ball.  By the time I got to push-ups my legs were shaking and I did them on my knees. Not surprisingly, I fell during the one-legged wall sits.

The workout suggests three or four sets. One set in, it was clear that three to four meant three.

You are definitely not supposed to take ten-minute long breaks between sets like I did, but I needed them. Even with the long breaks this workout destroyed me. I will neither confirm nor deny that I almost threw up during the second and third sets. Again, I was unable to get to four. I didn’t even want to try.

After I was completely finished, I spent about half an hour laying on my bathroom floor because it’s tile and it’s cold.

I didn’t think I could have more respect for Lauren Gilbert and Northwestern Lacrosse than I already did. But after doing this workout I am floored. This is only a Tuesday during a quarantine for Gilbert. She’s probably made of steel or something. That’s my theory anyway.